I must say I am rather surprised by the votes which have been made to the RIGHT of this post. Although I am rather positive that most of the votes are from Josh's family it still was not what I expected. My thoughts might be slightly off due to the "hard" feelings I am feeling toward some of Josh's brothers but I expected more "hell no's." As Josh and I laughed while we were putting together the poll, we discussed his role in sticking up for his wife. I don't think he has ever thought that he would need to step in and stop one or more of his brothers from being idiots but the time has come. He was at a loss but now understands that it is not alright for ANYONE to speak to me that way. My dad would have ended the situation very quickly and my brother (even though he is mean to me) would never have allowed that to happen. What happened to family being there for each other? So here I am stuck between two ways a family was raised. I was raised with a different view on how women should be raised than the Neville boys. Who's right? Who's wrong? It seems like I am right but the rest of the sis-in-laws seem to be fine and not have their feelings hurt. Should I have lowered myself to his (their) level by expressing very rudely with the many bad words how I felt (still feel) about him (them)? Is that really how our relationship should (will) be? Does he (they) really not care enough about me to feel bad about hurting my feelings? Do they hate me enough to continue to laugh about it and be proud about it? I don't understand, can someone explain this to me. Just saying "he's an idiot" is not enough anymore. Why is there pleasure found in discussing attempts to kill animals while crossing the road in front of me knowing how strongly I feel about that subject. Are they really not mature enough to just say "hey we don't like you, could you please leave" instead of trying to make me so uncomfortable I want to leave. This could totally be my fault because of the joking relationship I have had with many of them in the past. I guess because I can not change them, I must change me. My only option is to stop joking and being fun with them because no one knows how not to cross the line myself included. How do you forgive and forget when you are so hurt? I guess this is going to be something Josh and I can't work on at FHE with the kids. The silver lining shines though!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
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16 comments:
I do not know the story at all, but I know it seems that Josh's brothers do tease you a lot, and sometimes it does seem that they go overboard. I know Andrew used to piss my sisters off by teasing them when we were first married, and they both hated him at first; however, if he were ever to speak to them in a mean way, I would have words with him personally. So with that being said, I think Josh needs to be respectful to you and say something to his brothers! Just my thought on things :)
They teased Kirsten like they tease you. She tried to kill them. Literally... chased with butcher knives and rocks thrown to the head. They'll hopefully grow up someday and understand that some people don't have quite as thick of skin as they do. I think that by marrying one and living so close you're in for a long road. Try to remember - they really don't mean it and they only do it because you react. I know that's a bit trite but it's true.
Kate, some things in life should be addressed privately. This is one of them. And this is empbarassing. For you. Also, a large waste of time. Sorry, but it should be discussed between Josh and you privately. Everyone you socialize with, inside or outside of your immediate family are big boys and girls now and big boy/girl things should not be put to the vote-meter. Not everything that happens in life needs a vote-meter. Especially things this insignificant. And you're majorly over-analyzing a private conversation from the other night that had nothing to do with you, I was there and heard it.
Dan
Also embarrassing is how I spelled embarrassing.
Good thing I am a big girl and can write anything I want on MY OWN blog. If you don't like it, stay off of it. It was meant for MY friends who care not for YOU. And it was not a private conversation, it was right next to me, infact, I was more sitting right between the conversation. DO NOT attempt to tell me how I should and should not react to situations which involve me. It is embarrassing that I have allowed my family to hurt my feelings but luckly I have friends who I can reach out to in times like this who are a support to me. I don't need to worry about them judging me and since only my friends have access to this blog it is only for them. You need to grow up Dan and realize that you and some of your brothers are just too rude sometimes. The rest of the world does not need to do what the NEVILLES think needs to happen!
Oh and Dan, The "vote-meter" was a joke Josh and I did. But again, my blog, my posts!!!
Sides? Did you even read my post? Why don't you try rereading the post then get it through your head that I take the blame for allowing the give and take idiotic relationshps I have formed. I don't want sides, I want my friends to talk with me about this. Would it have been different if I had just called each of them do discuss this? I didn't know that I needed to watch what I wrote on my own blog? In case you and Dan and whatever other Neville is reading this and calling me immature, 11 of the 16 bloggers who follow my blog are not Neville's. Maybe Neville's should just stop following my blog if they don't want to read it!Not that they really care how I feel anyway, only if its happy feelings.
Kenz deleted my comment. Maybe from embarrasment. I'm a jerk though. Oh wait, I'm a Neville, Right?
Shane
Kate you are family and you will always be family. I'll just leave it at that and please give me a hard time for getting involved with blogging.
Shane
Kate,
Here I am clear back in Ohio and I just returned from the movies with Holly and checked in on the blog. I admire you for bringing up an issue that needs addressed. I'm sorry that you were the victim this time. It probably was because Mom wasn't around and handy to "take the punches." I have great sons, but they get carried away with teasing, and when someone reacts back, then it's the green light for them to just keep going. I haven't liked it for 47 years, but I haven't been able to convince them that some people are hurt by their continual teasing. And I might add, it started at the top, and worked it's way down, and now they think it's totally okay. But, I never will think that it's okay. Never!!!! A giant FHE would maybe help to get some cooperation from the male species in our family in putting an end to this "crap" once and for all. They might listen to you. They never have listened to my pleas. Maria
Kate - of course I love you and would walk through hell, fire and brimstone to come to your defense - but that is beside the point here. Let me just say that my husband (Jon) comes from a family of 7 BOYS (and 1 girl)...and growing up with that many boys - the teasing among them can be ruthless. Especially in a family that is so competitive. THE DIFFERENCE IS, the 7 Clark boys were taught very well by there mother and father RESPECT. NEVER do they disrespect their mom, sister, wives, many sister-in-laws, or any other woman for that matter. It is completely unacceptable in their family. They are all complete gentlemen when women are around (and I credit that to their awesome parents). "Teasing" in most cases is used to excuse or dismiss disrespectful and disgusting behavior and is almost ALWAYS intended to hurt. It's a form of abuse, and you deserve better. I am proud of you for standig up for yourself! You should always be able to feel SAFE and SECURE with family...I feel so bad that someone this close to you is so willing to hurt you. I know Josh loves you and would (and should) do anything and everything to protect and defend you and your little family of four. Love you guys! Miss you!
This is the first time I have ever been on Josh and Kates' blog and really the first time I have ever posted on a blog as such but after reading through the initial post and subsequent comments I thought I might say a few things. After losing both my mother and sister within a year of one another my perspective on life and family relations has changed considerably since their passing. Major conflicts or what seem to be "major" seem so trivial. I had a conflict with some "in laws" shortly after Holly and I were married and when I look back on it now I regret having said some of the things that were said regardless of who was right or who was wrong. Much of it was a product of youth and immaturity on both parts. Over the years though I have seen and come to admire the close bond that all of the Neville children have. I have also seen the way in which the Neville brothers treat their wives and from my experience it has always been with respect. Sure there is the standard sarcastic jabs back and forth between brothers, sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws etc. but that is part of the fun. Honestly I would be more concerned if I was the one who was not joked around with.
Marriage being a bringing together of two families with two different upbringings is obviously hard but both coming from LDS families, to me at least, would seem a good portion of the ideas and ideals are already in common. The rest is just the trivial day to day things.
Well that is all for my first and probably only blog ever and those who know me will know this is very uncharacteristic but I thought I would put my 2 cents in for what it is worth.
Also Geordan needs a good smack down every once in a while which I am glad to deliver upon request LOL. Andy
Kate.....I didn't mean to offend, so I probably should have chosen my words a little more carefully there on my first comment. Sorry about that. A spell check would also have been good :). But there's way too much drama here so I'm out. Which is funny because I was never really in since your issue seems to be mostly with 1 person in the family and their comments/tone they took with you several days back. My general suggestion however would be that if you have an issue with any adult, family or not, but ESPECIALLY family....that you pull that person aside privately and respectfully and discuss & resolve it with them directly. Doing so over maté seems to help me sometimes with tough conversations like that. Just a suggestion. Posting things on your blog that could easily appear to be emotional or accusatory or even disparaging about your entire in-law side of your family in general, and on the world wide web, and specfically on a blog with no security settings whatsoever, seems (to me at least) fundamentally counterproductive to the whole "forgive and forget" goal, which I feel is an honorable one for you or anyone to have. I certainly respect your constitutionally-supported right to free speech, but I don't think this thread is helping you move on from the tiff with Geordan. Nor is it strengthening your/our family. Just call Geordan and talk to him about it. End of story. End of drama. That's what I meant to say. Happy blogging. I'm out.
Dan
WOWZA! First of allI couldn't read all of the comments because each was a novel and I am on limited time right now... but I just wanted to say that other night I was thinking, gee kate sure is lucky. She married into a great family. I was standing there thinking that you have only one brother in your family. And then you now have this large close knit family! That hangs out together on NEw YEars Eve none the less! Lucky! I don't know the whole story of what went down or anything besides teasing to the point of tears. When I was younger my older brothers couldn't walk past me without thumping me on the head.Everytime I would scream. My parents would tell me that if I just ignored it, they would stop. What fun would it be if I didn't give a crap? I think they like you enough to tease you! Obviously something triggered to the point of real hurt, and that right there should be dealt with. But as for teasing, maybe it's their(his) way of caring for you..I know strange. Hope you are feeling a lot better and getting things resolved. I don't know if I made any sense, but I am too tired to go back. LOVE to you. goodnight.
Kate and Josh,
I'm flying home tomorrow night. I hope this whole thing is on it's way out, and that everyone is back to some kind of normal. I laughed at the one that said, "just move far away." Yeh, that would solve everything. NOT!!! I've left several blogs, but none have been addressed, so this will be the last you hear from me on this issue. I still think a great family home evening would bring us together in the proper spirit, but sounds like that didn't fly either. Oh well, let's hope for the best. If everyone tries harder to do what's right, and really is serious about the forgiveness part, I don't see how we can go wrong. Pray for my safe return. I've been nervous lately about flying. I don't know why. Mom
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